A monthly selection to prove that accountants also have a sense of humour…
Q: What do you call a trial balance that doesn’t balance? A: A late night!
Four Laws of Accounting:
1. Trial balances don’t.
2. Bank reconciliations never do.
3. Working capital does not.
4. Return on investments never will.
A True Story from an Australian Firms Helpline A client recently called us requesting we email him a scan of a document. We promptly sent this over to him and he called back almost immediately:
Client: “This scan you have sent me only has one page of the document and the rest of it is pornography!”
Firm: “I’m sorry? There is certainly no chance that this contains any pornography. It looks perfectly fine from our end.
Client: “But there is. I am looking at it right now!”
Firm: “Which button are you clicking? The one that says ‘Next Page’ or ‘Next Document’?”
Client: “Why does that matter?”
Firm: “Well if you are clicking Next Document, you are currently looking at whatever you hav e recently been viewing on your computer.”
Client: *hangs up*
Missing in Action
A businessman tells his friend that his company is looking for a new accountant. His friend asks, “Didn’t your company hire a new accountant a few weeks ago?” The businessman replies, “That’s the accountant we’re looking for.”
Three partners in an accounting firm go out to lunch. They are the audit partner, the tax partner and the senior partner. One of them sees a brass lamp lying in the gutter. Curious, they pick it up and give it a rub. Instantly, a genie appears. “You know the deal,” says the genie. “Three wishes. But seeing there are three of you, you can have one wish each.” “Great,” says the audit partner. “Take me to the Whitsunday Islands, give me a blonde and an endless supply of cold beer and leave me there for ever.” Pouf! There is a flash of light, a puff of smoke and he is gone. “Now me,” says the tax partner. “Take me to the Cook Islands, give me two blondes and an endless supply of offshore tax schemes and leave me there for ever.” Pouf! There is a flash of light, a puff of smoke and he is gone. The genie turns to the senior partner. “And what do you want?” “I want those two back in the office straight after lunch.”
A businessman was interviewing job applications for the position of manager of a large division. He quickly devised a test for choosing the most suitable candidate. He simply asked each applicant this question, “What is two plus two?” The first interviewee was a journalist. His answer was, “Twenty-two”. The second was a social worker. She said, “I don’t know the answer but I’m very glad that we had the opportunity to discuss it.” The third applicant was an engineer. He pulled out a slide rule and came up with an answer “somewhere between 3.999 and 4.001.” Next came an attorney. He stated that “in the case of Jenkins vs. the Department of the Treasury, two plus two was proven to be four.” Finally, the businessman interviewed an accountant. When he asked him what two plus two was, the accountant got up from his chair, went over to the door, closed it, came back and sat down. Leaning across the desk, he said in a low voice, “How much do you want it to be?” He got the job.
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