Accounting Humour

Searching for an Accountant

A business owner tells her friend that she is desperately searching for an accountant.
Her friend asks, “Didn’t your company hire an accountant a short while ago?”
The business owner replies, “That’s the accountant I’ve been searching for.”  


Accountants vs Bank Robbers

Two accountants are in a bank when armed robbers burst in.
Some robbers take money from the tellers. Other robbers line the customers, including the accountants, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, and other valuables.
While this is going on, accountant number one jams something in accountant number two’s hand. Without looking down, accountant number two whispers, “What is this?” to which accountant number one replies, “it’s that $50 I owe you.”  



Once upon a time, there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the side of a deserted road. Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt. The driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Cerutti shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses, a Tag-Heuer wristwatch, and a Pierre Cardin tie, gets out and asks the shepherd, “If I can tell you how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?”
The shepherd looks at the young man, and then looks at the large flock of grazing sheep and replies, “Okay.”
The young man parks his car, connects his laptop to his mobile, enters a NASA website, scans the ground using his GPS, opens a database and 60 excel tables filled with algorithms and pivot tables.
Then he prints out a 150-page report on his high-tech mini-printer, turns to the shepherd and says, “you have exactly 1,586 sheep.’
The shepherd cheers, “That’s correct, you can have your sheep.’
The young man takes one of the animals from the flock and puts it into the back of his Porsche.
The shepherd looks at him and asks, “If I guess your profession, will you return my animal to me?”
The young man answers, “Yes, why not?”
The shepherd says, “You are an auditor.”
“How did you know?” asks the young man.
“Very simple,” answers the shepherd. “Firstly, you came here without being wanted. Secondly, you charged me a fee to tell me something that I already knew. Thirdly, you don’t understand anything about my business.”
“Now, can I have my dog back?”


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