A young accountant intern, fresh out of an LLB from Maties, is interviewed by the owner of a small business. “I need someone with an accounting degree,” says the man. “But mainly I’m looking for someone to do my worrying for me. I have lots of things to worry about, but I want someone else to worry about money matters.”
“OK,” says the young accountant. “How much are you offering?”
“You can start at R750,000 a year,” says the owner.
“That’s a great salary!” says the young accountant. “How can a business like yours afford to pay so much?”
“That,” says the man, “is your first worry.”
A mugger stops a guy on the street at gunpoint in downtown Johannesburg.
”Give me all your money”, he says.
The muggee is indignant. “You can’t do this,” he yells. “I’m a SARS agent.
“In that case,” says the mugger, “give me all MY money.”
An accountant goes to heaven… An accountant from Sandton dies and goes to Heaven. He reaches the pearly gates and is amazed to see a happy crowd all waving banners and chanting his name. After a few minutes St. Peter comes running across and says, “I’m sorry I wasn’t here to greet you personally. God is looking forward to meeting such a remarkable man as yourself.” The accountant is perplexed. “I’ve tried to lead a good life, but I am overwhelmed by your welcome,” he tells St. Peter. “It’s the least we can do for someone as special as you are. Imagine, living to the age of 123 and still looking so young,” says St. Peter. The man looks even more dumbfounded and replies, “123 years old? I don’t know what you mean. I’m only 40.” St. Peter replies, “But that can’t be right – we’ve seen your time sheets!”
A well known Cape Town lawyer received notice from SARS that he was being audited. He showed up at their offices the appointed time and place with all his financial records, then sat for what seemed like hours as the accountant pored over them. Finally the SARS agent looked up and commented, “You must have been a tremendous fan of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.” “Why would you say that?” wondered the lawyer. “Because you’ve made more brilliant deductions on your last three returns than Sherlock Holmes made in his entire career.”